"A box without hinges, key, or lid—yet golden treasure inside is hid."
“What the hell is even that!!” yelled a man dressed in what looked like a knockoff of Indiana Jones.
“This doesn’t make any sense! Why did all the people back in the day have to be cryptic and nonsensical in their hints! I bet even those that knew what it meant couldn’t understand this garbage!”
“Now Ted honey, we don’t swear. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would not appreciate that” a large blonde woman drawled out in a southern accent.
“Claire, not even Jesus could understand this damn hint” Ted rebuttal sarcastically.
“Ted! How could you say that! Jesus knows everything and everyone! Maybe you would know that if you went to church more!”
“Claire, church isn’t going to get us out of this damn cave!” Claire started to open her mouth to argue, however Ted was not having any of it that day.
“And neither would Jesus help us, he may have died in a cave, but not this god forsaken one!”
Silence finally fell upon them. As did the water droplets that fell off from stalactites. How did they come to this cave and get lost in the middle of nowhere? A good question. It all started a year ago when Claire was scrolling through her favorite Reddit thread r/MysterySolversUnited. It was a thread where people all around the world could post old hints of legends and stories of amateur treasure hunting adventures. It gave Claire just enough spice and excitement in her rather boring life. She never asked too much, for fear she would be too greedy and couldn’t go through the gates of heaven. She needed to get through so she could see and be in the presence of her favorite hot southern cowboy actor, John Wayne.
One drab evening she stumbled upon a post by the user named “TheReal_IndyJones”. His post told of an old legend passed down from his family on how they buried treasure in an old cave near them during the Civil War. However there was a fire over a hundred years ago and all that was left was a shabby drawing of what appeared to be outside of a cave and a burnt scrap of paper with, as he called it, a useless hint. He also mentioned which state this took place in and that intrigued her even more. This is because it was basically in her backyard! Not literally, but they were both in the same state and it was really close to her house. At least her new house, thank goodness. If was back in her hometown she wouldn't have dared to do what she did next. She shot him a message and awaited his response.
He didn’t take long to respond. Ted was in his late 30’s and down on his luck. Like really down on his luck. His job fired him. His wife left him and took the kids. Now lives in his parent’s basement until he can turn his luck around. That’s how he found the old scrap of paper and asked about the legend from his father. He thought to himself “Sure, why not? What else do I have to lose?” and went to the best place that always gave him the right answers. Reddit. Not long after he posted his story, the user named “JohnWayneLover492” sent him a message.
From there they both scoured the internet for any clues and hints about any possible caves nearby. They even eventually met in person for the first time at their local library. Remember kids to never meet strangers in a non-public location. They could be crazy like these two fools. They researched and researched about caves galore and back tracked Ted’s family roots. Eventually they found the right cave. During all their research never once did they look up the hint at all. Why do so? It would only spoil the fun.
Back at the cave hours have passed. Their spirits were low as well as their limited provisions. Ted was a stress eater and was eating everything he could get his hands on. Protein bars, granola bars, fruits, little sandwiches that Claire had made for them, and drank so much water that he had to excuse himself almost every five minutes. No matter how far he went to go and relieve himself, poor Claire could still hear it ricocheting throughout the cave. It made her very uncomfortable and of times of uncomfort she would mutter prayers and bible verses to calm her down. This drove Ted up a wall.
“Could you stop that god awful muttering!” Ted screamed at her.
“I’m awful sorry Ted. I just can’t help it! I’m just so gosh darn nervous and scared right now! It’s so very dark and, well, just plain creepy in here. And we’re having a terrible time finding your family’s treasure!”
“I know this Claire! I’ve been right here next to you this whole time looking for this damn thing! God I wish there was never a fire so we could at least have a better hint than this scrap of shit!” Ted waved the paper around in pure hatred and disgust.
“Now Ted, the Lord works in mysterious ways. And we can’t always understand why he does things that seem rather unfair. But it’s up to us as his children to find the good things in life. Like we wouldn’t have met without this hint. That’s not so bad now is it?”
“No I suppose not Claire. You do have a point there.”
“No God has a point. Without his all powerful wisdom we would be nothin’! Pure nothin’!”
“God damn it Claire! Would you shut up about God already!”
They continued their bickering back and forth over another hour. They were so loud and angry that it started to travel through the cave and out into the mouth of it. The cave wasn’t too far from an open road and was a popular place for people to go to. Or do bad things in. People passed by and heard them. Some thought they were ghosts, others thought they were crack addicts. For these two lucky fools though, a poor concerned soul called the police saying that there were two people lost in the cave. Soon help for the passing people’s eardrums from their rampant screaming would be on their way.
Just before sun down an ambulance, police cars, and some local park rangers had arrived at the cave and started their descent in. It didn’t take them long to find the two people. For they could follow the sound of their now raspy voices.
“Hello! Are you both okay?” hollered a park ranger leading the charge.
“Oh thank goodness. Oh bless the Lord and Jesus Christ. We are saved Ted! We are saved!” cried a very ragged and tired looking Claire.
“Jesus H Christ! Not with the God bullshit again! Can you PLEASE get me the hell out of here and away from this crazy woman!” Ted yelled at the ranger while running towards the light of the ranger’s flashlight.
They both were soon walked out of the cave and taken towards the ambulance to be checked out by the paramedic. It didn’t take long, for they were not hurt anywhere at all and were only in the cave for close to half a day. However their bank account for this little stunt will not be so good after they received their bill for this later in the week. While the paramedic was looking them over, he was asking them questions to gauge their responses and to be a little noisy. Not a lot of drama and news happens in a small town in the middle of nowhere.
“So…what were the two of you doing in the cave over there?” the paramedic casually asked.
“Oh we were just lookin’ for this guy's family’s treasure and such. Nothing too special” Claire boasted. She was very excited to be doing something so extreme that they needed to call the whole town on them.
“Yeah what she said. But it doesn’t matter, because we didn’t find it. Stupid bloody hint”, Ted muttered.
“I know a thing or two about riddles. Do you mind if I take a look at it?” the paramedic said a little sheepishly knowing he could get in trouble with his higher ups.
“You can keep the damn thing for all I care. It’s nothing but trouble!” Ted thrusted the scrap of paper at the man.
The man read it quickly. He covered his mouth, trying really hard to suppress his laughter.
“What’s so damn funny!” Ted snarled at the man.
“Nothing sir. This is just a quote from one of my favorite books sir. It’s from “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien.”
All was silent through the town that day, until during the setting sun a manly scream of anguish could be heard throughout the cozy town.
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